Hello, Dear Reader,
When my first baby was born, my perspectives changed forever.
One of the first moments when I realized that is when I sat down to accomplish something and put on a crime drama.
Suddenly, I burst into tears. I suddenly understood that although these stories were fiction, somewhere in the world, whether in the past, present, or future, someone was or had been hurt. These victims were someone’s child. These criminals were someone’s child.
Like my child, they had someone who looked at them and loved them so dearly. Someone who thought they could accomplish so much in life.
Like my child, they were born innocent, needing care and love. And somewhere along the way, their innocents were taken away.
It broke my heart.
When my friend and I started watching the movie, “A girl like her” which was about bullying, my perspective shifted again. At first, my friend and I as moms of young kids were so annoyed with the bully. And annoyed that she was not treated even worse than she was. One of our fears as mothers is that our child will be bullied. And watching something like that was traumatizing.
And then as the movie was drawing to a close, our perspective changed again. What is going on in the life or mind of a child that they feel the need to bully someone else.
As moms we had learned that when our children were angry, typically the anger was masking hurt, fear, a feeling being unsafe, or of not getting their needs met.
Suddenly, my friend and I were crying for both the bullied and the bully. For them to be so young to have experienced difficulties (whether physically, mentally, or emotionally) that led to them doing what they did.
From then on, when someone did something cruel, I thought, “This person must be in such pain to say or do this. How can I convey to them that they are loved?”
I don’t always do this since I am human with my own human frailties. I do not like to be on the receiving end of someone’s anger. Especially when it’s being taken out on me because someone else hurt them.
But more often than not, I try to come from the perspective that anger is masking pain has changed the way I interact with people.